Cerebral warfare with Grandpa Fro-Man

The setting: Fitness Plus in Milledgeville, GA - a workout facilty.

On this day, I work out chest and abs. My chest routine is through and now it is time to concentrate on my ab region. Exercises include weighted crunches (150 lbs, 4 sets of 25-30 reps) and hanging leg raises (4 sets of 15 reps. Upon helping a friend get in shape, I discovered a machine I had seen in passing but never tried to workout on: the torso rotation machine. This weighted wonder works the obliques and stuff. Part of the reason I have never used the machine is a new face in the gym who has become somewhat of a nemesis of mine - the enigmatic Grandpa Fro-Man (duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhn!!!!)!

Ah, yes, Fro-Man. A 60-something year old, grey-haired, tattooed, overweight gym inhabitant recognized by his shagy fro, handlebar mustache, and Elvis Presley sideburns. Fro-Man has the abitilty to spend thirty minutes using gym equipment.

28 of those minutes see him using it as a propping device.

His favorite device: THE TORSO TWISTER (DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHN!!!!).

On this day, Fro-Man is resting on the crunch machine. But don't be fooled! His eyes squarely examine the torso twister. Methinks he will not hesitate to take the two and a half steps required to prop on the machine when he is done doing whatever the hell he is doing. Meanwhile, I am hammering away to my last set of leg raises at the station that sits approximately five steps from the machine.

So begins the game of chess...

I wonder if I can make a quick break for the torso twister (DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHN!!!!) before the Fro-Meister does. The distance he has to travel is much shorter than mine. Plus, Fro-Man is easily at least 30 years and 100 pounds my senior. So I wonder if I can make it to the machine before he can actually make a move to get to it. Fro-Man anticipates my move to the machine and tries to eye me down. However, i shall not be intimidated.

I leap from the raises station and make a break for machine. Three steps in Fro-Man has yet to challenge my forward movement. The fourth step is taken. I can almost feel three foam grip handles in my grasp. I see all of the desire melt from Fro-Man, who will continue to be "confined" to the crunch machine as my fifth step finds me at the machine. I adjust the seat and begin to try and sculpt a six-pack while Fro-Man's keg of a stomach hide his feet and the floor beneath them.

Even after the battle, I wish Fro-Man the best in his endeavors for a better body. However, victory would be claimed by a 210-pound pro wrestler sans pimp suit.

I so silly :-D